• calm

    Click HERE for strategies to help you (the parent/guardian) calm down.

     14 Things That Impact Children’s Behavior

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    1. Amount of Quality Sleep Or Lack of Sleep

    3. Hunger & Thirst Can Be the Cause of Problem Behavior

    4. Food, Diet and Allergies

    5. Level of Outdoor Activities, Exercise and Fresh Air

    6. Overstimulation & Understimulation

    7. Screen Time

    8 – 10. Development Challenges: Learning Style and Challenges, Processing & Functioning Speed, Development & Age 

    11. Fears & Worries 

    12. Difficulty Understanding & Expressing Emotions

    13. Lack of Confidence, Shame & Insecurity 

    14. Big Life Changes 

    Read the full article by The Pragmatic Parent here

    **Rewiring the Brain for Calm Parenting 

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    Neurologists have found that every time you resist acting on your anger, you're rewiring your brain to be calmer and more loving.  Regulating your own emotions may be one of the hardest part of parenting and boy do kids draw out all the feelings we don't like to acknowledge in ourselves, or like to deal with. (but we have to...)

    There's a difference between restoring your mind and body back to calm, and shoving your feelings down.

    This is so important, because both are equally important to yourself, and you have to work on both to rewire your brain for calm and teach your kids at the same time.

    There is no magic pill to stay centered and calm. It's just about being conscious of your feelings, and committing and practicing calm responses.

    Reacting means there's no pause between what sets us off (our trigger) and our reaction.

    If you want more help with understanding your anger, the Stop Yelling Handbook is a great beginning place to do start.

    Here's a Quick Guide to Rewiring Your Brain for Calm:

    1. Stop and Pause - when you feel yourself getting agitated, stop and remove yourself from the situation. Breathe. Go outside. Hide in the bathroom and eat chocolate. Get out of the danger zone!

    2. Name 5 Things You're Grateful for - from studying emotional & energy healing, I've learned that feelings of gratitude will always transmute vibrations of anger, lack, frustration, etc. The emotions of anger simply cannot exist at the same time as gratitude and love. Think or make a list of all the things you're grateful for to give anger the boot immediately.

    3. Connect - connect with your child by giving them a hug even if things are tense, tell them you're here when they want to talk or when they want to listen to what you have to say, and always lead with empathy.

    4. Rewind & Talk About It - when everything is calm (even if it's hours later), it's time to talk to your child. Replay the situation that led to your big emotions, and talk with your child about your own feelings. Offer a genuine apology and take all the responsibility (never use blame or shame or redirect your emotions onto the child.) 

    Practice, practice, practice.

    Do this over and over again and before long, you'll rewire your brain for calm and happy, and away from anger and yelling.  

    If you need more help with parenting anger and staying calm, the Calm Mama Kit has three of my most popular tools including a workbook, to help you figure out the real reasons you yell and how to stop.
     Submmitted by: The Pragmatic Parent
     

    **How to Build Resilience in Kids:

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    • Resilience helps kids cope with challenges.

    • It isn’t just about bouncing back.

    • Resilience can be taught.

    • Click HERE to read the full article by Understood.org

    **How do you respond if your child says, “I am stupid!” or “I am ugly!”?

    What do you say back to build their confidence?  It’s very hard for us to hear our children talking negatively about themselves.  And our immediate reaction is to DENY their statements and say things like, “No, you’re not!” or “You’re beautiful (smart, talented, etc.), what are you talking about?”

    Unfortunately, when we do that our children simply feel unheard and not understood. 

    Instead of arguing with their negative self-talk, listen and empathize. You can say: 

    “I am sorry you feel this way. It must be very hard. I wish you could see yourself just like I do: a beautiful, kind, loving, caring child…”

    Remember, your relationship with your child depends on whether or not they feel heard and understood. This is critical. The more you listen without trying to correct their thoughts and feelings, the stronger your connection will be.  

    Also, take it further by getting curious and ASK questions (if you feel like they’re in the mood of talking about it).

    “Hmm.. you feel like you’re not good at this. Do you want to brainstorm ideas how you can get better?”

    “I am sorry to hear you feel that way, honey. What makes you think that?”

    “That’s a heavy feeling… Can you tell me more about it?”

    Get them talking instead of telling them what they should be thinking and feeling. Validate their feelings instead of pushing their negative feelings away.

     

    **Your child’s inner bully...a powerful activity by Big Life Journal

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    Have you heard of an “Inner Bully Monster”? 

    This activity is so powerful, it can completely transform your child's negative self-talk.

    The danger with self-deprecating thoughts (like “I’m not good enough”) is that they can be so ingrained that it becomes very difficult to get rid of them.

    This activity helps your child realize their negative thoughts are NOT part of who they are and, more importantly, they can tell them to go away.

    Here’s how to do this activity.

    FIRST, introduce the idea of an inner bully to your child. You can say:

    “Imagine your unloving thoughts (“I’m not good at this!”) are spoken to you by a creature or a monster. This creature appears once in a while and whispers those negative and unhelpful thoughts to you. What does this creature look like? Let’s draw it and give it a name!”

    Help your child imagine what this creature looks like (btw, if your child is afraid of monsters you can use an annoying mosquito or a grey cloud, instead). 

    NEXT, ask your child, “What do you hear your creature say to you over and over again? Let’s write it down next to your drawing in a thought bubble or on another piece of paper.”

    FINALLY, you can tell your child next time their creature tells them something upsetting, they can say,

    “I don’t have to listen to you,”
    "You’re not welcome here,"
    "Go away!"

     This activity is very powerful because it helps your child put their negative self-talk outside of themselves. They don’t have to listen to what this creature is saying. 
     
    And the final tip: Before you try this activity with your child, go ahead and do it yourself. You can then share the drawing of YOUR inner critic creature. 
     
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     It's hard for us to hear our children talking negatively about themselves and when they do, we want to jump right away and correct the wrong. "No, you're not stupid," or "don't say those things about yourself, they're not true."

    But when we do this, we miss the mark.

    Here's why.

    When kids make these statements, they don't want you to tell them how wonderful, smart and beautiful you know they are... but simply to be present, listen with an open heart and make them feel understood.

    They aren't looking for you to solve the problem or reinforce how amazing they are.

    Before you jump in to fix things, it's critical to take an objective stance and only then can you start to chip away at what's really underneath the negative self-talk.

    Inside the article, you'll learn how to:

    • Practice seeing the situation from your kid's eyes
    • Pin point where things got difficult for your child
    • Practice having a growth mindset (and not a fixed mindset)
    • Talk about feelings & acknowledging them
    • How to use a positivity jar & the right way to give self-esteem boosting praise